this is about who I am, not about who I should be.

maybe I’m not normal,
because I’m not normal..

my life is not miserable..

I’m just trying to live this life as I pleased,
when you feel it is a mistake, should I care ?
I don’t deal well with all those messy emotions..
I’m lazy to deal with people who are emotionally unstable, am I wrong ?

sometimes I’m full of curiosity, yet seems apathetic at the same time.
I think it’s not a problem that needs to be solved,
It’s my choice to be like this..

I’m ‘happy go lucky’ and free spirited.
I’m impulsive and enthusiastic, but also jealousy.
I’m adept at saying what I think is expected before I’ve a chance to think about it.
I’m quite fair in justice, so I can accept ur apologies as much as I can pretend to accept things for now.

I’ve a talent with words.
I prefer to start conversations than waiting on others to initiate one.
I tell everyone straight what I think.
I never feel content with my present, I’ll drive to have more.

I keep my emotional secretly as if hiding it.
I’ll hide and cover up weak emotion and my sadness in order to keep up my “Image”.
sometimes I hide my feeling by being stubborn.

I love to learn about others dreams and thoughts.
I love the pursuit of pleasure.
I love the familiar instead of the exotic.

I need to be able to reinvent my self many times and to follow the threads of inspiration.
I need a lot of stimulation to keep my interest.
I need to beloved by others.

I don’t do anything halfway, but I do things my way.

For now, the word “marriage” would suffocate me.
I realize not to keep searching for the perfectly flawless man.
but I don’t want to waste my time with meaningless relationships.
I don’t like a part time lover, or a temporary mate.

I can sweep man with my charm, but I like to keep my relationship like a friend.
I’m very serious about promise, so don’t promise me something u couldn’t keep.
I’m very protective of my love life and would never step over that boundary without strong reasons.
I’ve a beautiful dream and I love to have someone walk side by side with me, together and equally.

If I get mad at u, let me be for only a short time, I’ll be normal again.

Don’t expect me to be the same person, now and forever.
everyone is often misunderstood by me.

am I honest enough for u ??

don’t be too sure of everything I said above..
maybe I’ve turned into someone different after I finished writing this.

why ??
because I am what you think I am not.
why ??
because I am everything U are not.

if u’re interested in getting to know me, let us be friends.
if u don’t like, fine..
just leave me, ok ??
I’m really tired taking care of u guys who just always envious.
thanks !

needs to underline that I’m just an ordinary woman who lived with all my flaws and really familiar with the sins.

*all I have written above is only a part of me that I remember when I wrote this note*

4 Responses to “this is about who I am, not about who I should be.”
  1. wisnuvidya says:

    kenapa aku dapet feeling kalau post ini sedikit banyak berkaitan dengan cowok? *kepo abis :))*

    btw, i feel like i’ve found “the real” supernova……:)

    • Joan Arae says:

      what makes u think u’ve found the real supernova actually? hehehe..

      gak all about kaum adam kok, more about life, tapi kan sebenarnya prinsip itu aplikatif di semua aspek, personal (include love) dan professional kan? 😀

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  • Joan Arae

    "Art is my breath.. As long as I breathe, Art never dies.."

    A young energetic girl who realizes her existence in this world as a human learner and kept asking in her mind "Why I can't stop thinking & doing here?".

    Gonna be on top! ♥

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